Okay…. so I can’t begin to explain how much anxiety the thought of doing this has given me, but I feel like it was important to do…. so fuck it here goes nothing.
Addict. Junkie. Meth head. Tweaker. Crackhead. Pathetic. Waste of life. Worthless. Hopeless. Dope fiend. Idiot. Dumb bitch. Better off dead. Bad mom. All of these words and more were used to describe me by complete strangers, friends, and family.
All of these words would spin in my head whenever I looked in the mirror, whenever a stranger avoided my gaze, whenever someone crossed the street to avoid me, whenever I wondered if trying to get clean AGAIN was worth it.
Let me tell you something, it WAS worth it. Everyday it IS worth it . Society has such a huge stigma on addiction, so much so that the addicts themselves don’t want to even ask for help or they may end up labeled as an addict, as a junkie, as pathetic, as hopeless, worthless, and deserving of the hell they created themselves.
Make no mistake, I know I created my own personal hell by my choices but I’m not just an addict, I’m not a junkie, I’m not pathetic, I’m not hopeless or worthless and I dont deserve the hell of addiction. I was literally born this way, with an addicts brain, and it’s something I’ll battle the rest of my life. I’ve met so many beautiful, intelligent, independent, strong, loving, kind hearted recovering addicts and none of them deserved the hell of addiction.
It’s time we change our perception of addicts, of addiction. It’s time we acknowledge it for what it is, a disease of the brain. It’s time we change the way we talk about addicts, and it’s time we end the stigma.
I’d bet many of you know a struggling or recovering addict, are in recovery yourself, or are struggling against yourself every day. I want to give all of you hope. I want to let all of you that are close to addiction know that I understand.